its officially over

finally i had the courage to be completely honest with my feelings.
i told him that i cant see our future together and we are not meant for each other.

it breaks my heart when he told me he doesnt love me :'(
it hurts alot!!

i begged him to help me. i told him to ignore all my calls, block me from social networking sites and be as mean as u can be so that i can move on.

i need this. he finally agreed.

today. i have nothing :(

no family and no loved ones. never felt so lonely before.

will be crying the whole day i guess.

in the future i might find someone else. but i can never love him as much as i love you.

first love is always the hardest to forget.

i wish you all the best in your life. i love you but it was just not meant to be :(

bitter truth

i guess it is hard to move on because you cant endure the feeling of being replaced. knowing that he is with someone else. knowing that he is happy without you. it hurts to the core, knowing that all the plans, dreams and hope that u had together with him is not gonna come true. he is making plans with someone else. he is planning his future with another girl.
(pause for awhile, to compose myself)

we made a lot of plans together. wedding, jobs, kids, their name, school and future.

our house, the interior decoration. haizzz..

i had a clear vision of how my future was gonna be like.but  now..

(sigh)

i have to start all over again and this time all by myself.

i have no one to make plans with.
not even my family. every decision and step that i take, i will be doing it alone.

(eyes filled with tears)

i made a decision 2 years down the road that changed my life and i am making another decision rite now that is gonna change my entire life again.

i am not gonna blame anyone neither will i wish him the worst for his future.
i had good and bad memories with him. the good ones i will cherish for ever and i will learn from the bad.

it just kills me a little inside knowing that you are gonna go on with your life and here i am picking up all the pieces and hoping to put them together. i might just be a memory to you (if i am blessed enough) or you might just forget me entirely.

wish i didn't have to make this but i know it is for the best.
its a battle between what is right and what i want. i want you but i cant have you because your role in my life has come to the end.
i decide to start a new chapter.

i know this is the right decision but it is not an easy path to take.
what matters is i have taken the first step.


(tears rolling down the cheeks)

how do you heal a broken heart

well.. i wish there was a specific drug for this.
sad to say none.
we all have to learn to deal with it and trust me.. it is NOT EASY

i am compiling all the advice that my friends and well wishers told me. so here it goes:

focus on yourself!!
this is the time to be a better version of yourself. to improve yourself.
get a new hair do, or go shopping!!

find a support group.
yes!! this is important. you get to share your feelings and these people will help to boost your confidence. they will advice you and most important of all, they will be there to wipe away the tears

keep yourself busy
indulge in something new. maybe a dance class or yoga. do something different. this will help to divert your attention and focus.


it all depends on you. if you want to curl up in one corner of your room and cry for days. your choice.
just remember this, what doesnt kill you make you stronger and why give others the pleasure of seeing you weak?

there is no anesthesia for a broken heart

i am sure at some point we all  got rejected, hurt, dumped or cheated on. in short, we got our hearts broken.

the one that you love not necessarily loves you back but at times there a few blessed souls who do not have to take the complicated path and they find their other half.
Despite knowing the consequences of the game called love, all of us dream and yearn for it.

i have been in a relationship which did give me some good and bad memories. being naive and so young, i believed he was the ONE, he was my happily ever after but right now i am full with doubts.
i realized, men have the habit of not meaning what they say. ( yes, they are not so mature in this department)
I LOVE YOU just becomes a phrase to be close to someone.
many fail to realize the after effects of cheating and lying and how much it hurts your partner. after all there is no anesthesia for a broken heart. the grief, humiliation and fear of being cheated  is not something that can be taken lightly.
i am still learning how to deal with the pain.

but i know,

at the end of the day our life is all about choices, many a hearts trampled for better or worse.
loving is all about letting go and forgiveness. and know that these trying times will only make us stronger as we grow.believe there is light at the end of the tunnel, there is rainbow after the rain and every cloud has a silver lining. with time and lots of grief, you will eventually find the good in goodbye.
A heartbreak is a blessing from God. its just his way of letting us realize he saved us from the wrong one.

yours truly

being 21, i would say i am still getting to know myself in terms of my strength and weakness.
just a brief intro of me, myself and I

*extremely OPTIMISTIC.



* believe in HAPPILY EVER AFTER.



* workaholic



* love to prove PEOPLE WRONG (those who look down on me)



* extremely competitive and i can become jealous sometimes



* do not like to come second ( in short i love to win)



*I know exactly what i want in life( i have my goals, and to do list p.s. i dun call it dreams :P)



*determined and persistent



* never give up (whenever things get difficult, i become more determined to achieve it)



* very stubborn



*  trust too easily



* naive :(



* i do not fall in love easily but when i do, i fall flat on the ground



*helpless romantic



*recluse at times




* have mood swings



*i take time to be close to someone





* i am a vivid dreamer (i dream in colors)




*i forgive but i never forget

* if u hurt me really bad, i tend to be vengeful



*i cry very easily

* to most : i am strong, determined and bossy, i do not like to show my soft spots




that's all for now.. will be back real soon

strangers AGAIN

It’s amazing how at one point in our lives we will be extremely close with someone and then later they will become a complete stranger. You will pass by them without a word. Without a single acknowledging look. This person, who once knew you so well, who once knew your fears, your desires, your dreams, your past, is now walking right past you, seeing right through you.

teamwork

well, all of us at one point of our lives have worked in a group and i am sure you have come across few sleeping partners in the group who does not lift a finger.
teamwork is a myth. it does not exist at all. we have a lot of selfish people around us who feels its ok to let someone else do their part of the work. i have been in this situation numerous time.
in the beginning, i was pissed!!


i used to yell and give these parasite a piece of my mind but all of it fell into deaf ears.


i eventually just gave up. i do it all. its not fair. yes!! do i have a choice?
i just look at the positive side and think this way:
its ok that i do more work, i learn more.
i learn about time management, how to deal with complete assholes, how to get things done under intense pressure, and with each piece of extra work, i learn something new.
in a nut shell, its their loss.


i guess this is just part of growing up. looking at the brighter side of every problem :)

to all those leech out there who else count on someone else to do their work: