Common sense says that if you make a mistake, don't do it again. But it's hard to stop getting hurt by people I loved. I guess it's a curse to care about people who don't. Maybe one day I'll realize what I'm doing and be a lot more careful. Until then, I'll just keep wondering why it's hard to keep my heart in one piece

I feel a shortness of my breath
I feel I’m falling to my death
My heart is heavy it’s beating fast

How long does this empty feeling last
It’s all my fault I hurt him badly
Now he’s leaving I say sadly
This life is short & full of pain
It seems I’m gonna go insane
What is normal who’s to say
I know that pain is the price I pay
Is it worth it to try & mend this
He’s so easily offended
I don’t know what else to do
I’m lost I’m hurt I don’t have a clue
Another loss this love is over
I need some luck like a four leaf clover
I don’t know why this happens to me
I’m to blame can’t you see
So be gone & don’t look back
I won’t be here for you to attack
I loved you more than you’ll ever know
So turn around like you said & go

when you love someone who will always care eventhough it kills you

when you once love someone, you will always care for that person no matter how he treats you or how much he has hurt u in the past.

yes.. i love you .. i still do..
and whenever you call, i cant reject your calls.

i have been so worried about you these past few days. i even dreamed about you. now i know why. you were in trouble.
when you called me today, and your cried on the phone, i just broke down. i cant scold you or ignore you even though you called me names previously.

i just cant...

i talked to you to make sure that you are ok and i tried my best to help you.

i talked to the girl that you are in love with right now so that she will accept you and be with you.

both of you have hurt me so much.... but i still care and i want you to be happy.

but no one ones that i am not so strong, this whole process of making things work out for you is killing me. its like opening back old wounds.

(tears rolling down the cheeks)

i wish i could just turn around whenever you re in trouble. but i cant... :(

to hear you confess to me how much you love her and how u wish to be with her...

(pause to wipe my face as i cant see due to the tears flooding my eyes)

i really wish that things work out for you and i hope i dont hear from you ever again.

i cant go through this over and over again..

:'(

i guess i got to stop now if not i am gonna get electrocuted as my tear drops are falling down on the extension plug.

life so far...

i know it has been ages since i last drop by to update my blog. (blow the dust away)

sem 5 came to an end and now i am on my sem break. finally i can sit clueless and wonder what to do to kill time.

alot has taken place this sem. i dont even know where to start.

things with daniel is over for real. he is my past right now.a lot of drama was involved and it was ugly. but it is finally over. i do miss him every now and then. i have been dreaming about him for the past 3 days. i guess i just miss him.

he is with someone else right now. i hope this works out for you.

me on the other hand, i am happy the way i am now. stronger and wiser.

this sem has been challenging. lecturers do not help the students like they used to.. not much tips, at times no tips at all. doing past year questions do not help as they set a standard of only 10 % of past year questions can be recycled.  sigh...

other than that, i had research project to be completed. a girl copied my idea and another big scene there.

(sigh)
i dont get it.. y so many mean people around. they stooop so low. dont they feel guilty? how do they even live with the fact that they have done something so mean to someone else. that issue has settle and i have learned from my mistake. i am not gonna be nice and i am gonna think of myself first.i am done being used and taken for granted.

i presented my research project poster and received positive feedback for the evaluator. i even hand in my proposal to my supervisor. i even passed the seed grant and i am hopping for the best.

during this sem break, i am gonna start working on the dry research (just in case if i do not get the seed grant)

next sem, i wont be taking any heavy subjects. the subjects that i am taking next sem is clinical diagnostic 2, malaysian study, moral study and research project 2.

oh yea.. i have also completed my internship forms and passed it to the lecturer. (one less thing to worry about)

cant believe time pass by so fast. i am gonna graduate in matter of months. hopefully after graduation, with god's grace i can do my masters :)

(time to be emo)

i miss shamini and his family. i know daniel told me to stay away from them (i have no idea why). i miss them so badly. especially sham. i am not sure how she feels and if she still thinks of me. but i miss her and i am worried about her. haizzz :(

i hope one fine day all this mess get sorted out and things will be better (fingers across)

shammy: bahan misses u :( u stay strong and study smart k. i know you can do it. work your way towards achieving your dreams. i love you 

those hurtful words

did you ever think of the effects your words had on that person

would it kill you to shut up?
to keep those hurtful words inside?
or at least consider the effects your hurtful words will have

your words cut like knives
those deep wounds gush blood
those wounds leave scars
and sometimes they don't go away

One day you're going to want that girl, that girl that knew she wasn't perfect, but tried to be perfect for you. The girl that believed the scraps of you she was given were worth it, because something was better than nothing. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who saw your flaws, but valued them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can't bring herself to hate you, even though you probably deserve it. That girl who saw past your pretty eyes and treasured parts of you that no one else will ever appreciate in the same way. The girl who realized she may never have had your heart, but will never regret a day where you were the only thing she wanted. The girl that should have you, but doesn't, even though she deserves it.

i forgive you

i know at one point in life i wished for the worst to happen to you. i was angry and upset for whatever that you did.
but..
knowing that you are in trouble and you are going through so much, i am not happy. i keep crying and i feel guilty. this guilt is eating me up.

i forgive you for whatever that you have done to me. i really do.
i do not wish anything bad to happen to you. i pray for you to be as happy as you can be.

i hope you find whatever that you are looking for.
and i hope it is everything you dreamed your life would be and so much more.
and where ever you are, i hope that you are happy.