still trying

i am ok. not emo or devastated or crying my eyes out.
it just from time to time, few things around me reminds me of him.
i did something stupid yesterday.
i was half asleep and i woke up to call him.
i dialed his number and was listening to the dial tone when it struck me that... oh no!! i am not suppose to call him cause we broke up.
pfftttt.. i still dream about him..
i  dream about talking to him and seeing him.
to make matter worst...

nava had to post a picture of him with nantha in instagram!!
haizz... i had tears in my eyes just looking at his picture.

i had a very strong urge of talking to him.
but i thought of all the times he lied, cheated and hurt me.
i was angry with myself for being so vulnerable.

i know without a doubt he is being his usual self. having fun, flirting around and spending time with his friends.
the thought of me hardly ever crossed his mind.

maybe he has forgotten me :)

(sigh)

the one that loves the most, get hurt the most when it ends.
so it explains my situation right now.

note to self :
if he wanted you, he would have call or at least check on you sharan.

i am the one checking on him through thoba.
haizz...