my wish for you

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,

And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,


But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
 you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

Yeah, this, is my wish.

i am moving on

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long

But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong

I'm moving on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone


I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm moving on

random

How the world seems so unfair, 
creating a love that cannot be shared
 as you go your way and I go mine.

:)

When we're in love, we tend not to see the bad side of someone. That's the pathetic part of it. Sometimes, even the worst person in the world can be the best person for your own belief. Love is not blind, it sees, but it doesn't mind.


Don't be disappointed if the person you love doesn't love you, because God has said "This is my world and even I couldn't make my every creation love me"

sick :(

freaking sick.
this is my 3rd visit to the hospital :(

coughing like a tb patient rite now.
my ribs hurts :(

difficulty in breathing and sore throat :(



haiz.. it has been a very challenging week.

people.. please check the obituary.
i have never felt so sick before

to your new lady love

you have no idea how blessed you are to have someone like daniel. A man like that is a rare gem. I hope you give him the love and care that he deserves.

things that i have learned about him over 2 years.

he tends to be very cranky in the morning when he wakes up.
oh yea.. do not wake him up earlier that the time he asked. he tends to over sleep.

he is not a breakfast person

he loves bikes!! he is actually crazy about bikes.
he is crazy about gadgets like phone, tabs etc

he hates hanging on the phone. he prefers texts.
do not ever hang up on him. do not put down the phone when he is talking to you!! it will drive him up the wall.

listen to him whenever he is angry and do not judge or give your opinion till he finish talking.

do not give him your attitude or sarcasm.

he is not always punctual. but he will want you to be punctual.

if you have any doubts, ask him straight. do not beat around the bush. it irritates him.


he loves to eat anything that is sweet. his favorite cake : pecan butterscotch

he loves his space and he doesn't like anyone invading his privacy.

by the way : futsal is his 1st wife. haha..

he loves drinking tea. he needs at least a glass of tea everyday no matter what the time (even midnight )

he loves to be taken care of. it makes him very happy to know that you are always there for him.

make him feel like a knight in shining armour. :)

he likes a girl who dress up well but decently. he loves girl with long straight hair. and she must wear a watch. he wants someone that he can go clubbing with, someone who is funny and smart.the more feminine the woman, the better :)

he loves to shop!! hahaha.. he will analyze till the last bit of information when he wants to get something new.

he has mood swings. its because he have a tough life. just be there for him. he might release his stress or anger on you but he will quickly apologies for hurting you.

he is very observant and he analyze everything.
be very honest with him. he has an amazing talent of knowing if you are lying to him.

personalize him. tell him every now and then what you love about him.

he tend to isolate himself when he is upset or angry. he just do not want to release it on anyone.

 he is a die hard fan of liverpool and never ever trash his team.
send him a lovey dovey text every now and then. it makes him smile and he will be hyper.

he is freaking hyper after eating chocolate. very hyper and funny.

his mom and sis means the world to him and they are the nicest human being on earth.

last but not least, he never had a big birthday party. maybe you can do that for him.

i realize despite crying the whole day, i was actually  smiling for 10 minutes while typing this post.

you have no idea how lucky you are that he is with you. there is someone who cries herself to sleep because she doesn't have what you have now.

to you

dear daniel

i know there is no way you can possibly read this.
but yea.. i just wish to write it down.

it has been more than 48 hours i last hear your voice :(
and i miss you.

i hope you eat your meals regularly and you are still consuming the protein supplement.

i hope you take care of yourself and don't push yourself too much when it comes to playing futsal

be extra careful while riding the bike :)

please control your anger and try not to let it out on anyone.

study smart and push up your grades this semester k.

i know you have been working your ass off for lakshya and i know without a doubt it is gonna be a huge success. dont worry much k. i know you are under alot of pressure :) but it will all work out.

i also know you will find that someone special that you will be crazily in love with.

 i hope you do get to work in US as u planned

last but not least i wish you all the happiness, success and love.
i dont wish to see you ever again because even seeing you picture makes me weak.
i wish you happiness but i cant see you being happy with someone else. ( doesnt make sense.. yes i know )

still trying

i am ok. not emo or devastated or crying my eyes out.
it just from time to time, few things around me reminds me of him.
i did something stupid yesterday.
i was half asleep and i woke up to call him.
i dialed his number and was listening to the dial tone when it struck me that... oh no!! i am not suppose to call him cause we broke up.
pfftttt.. i still dream about him..
i  dream about talking to him and seeing him.
to make matter worst...

nava had to post a picture of him with nantha in instagram!!
haizz... i had tears in my eyes just looking at his picture.

i had a very strong urge of talking to him.
but i thought of all the times he lied, cheated and hurt me.
i was angry with myself for being so vulnerable.

i know without a doubt he is being his usual self. having fun, flirting around and spending time with his friends.
the thought of me hardly ever crossed his mind.

maybe he has forgotten me :)

(sigh)

the one that loves the most, get hurt the most when it ends.
so it explains my situation right now.

note to self :
if he wanted you, he would have call or at least check on you sharan.

i am the one checking on him through thoba.
haizz...

friends :)

i am truly blessed to have friends who are always by my side through thick and thin.

first and foremost is GURUJI!! haha
even thinking of him makes me smile.
i know him for 6 very long years.
he has been very supportive and he motivates me all the time.

next on the list is thobashini.
i know this woman for only 2 years and i have not seen her in person.
how awesome is that!!
haha. she is what i call a sister from another mother.
she knows exactly everything that is going on in my life and i can never find any woman stronger than her.
love you didi!!

the 3rd and the funniest among them all is PRAVIN
he is a year younger than me and he is a sweet heart!!
he makes me smile and is always there in a heartbeat if i need help.

last but not least is my crazy funny bunch of college friends : deepa, guna, kak ros, liyana and many more.

they have been so supportive and they never fail to cheer me up.
they give me good advice and i know they have my best interest in heart.

thank you to each and everyone of you for always being there and for being my pillars of strength :) love you all

bitter sweet

ello!!!!

so far.. my day was pretty good.
i got my supervisor for my rp :)
yeaaaaayyyyyy..
i need to see her asap regarding my research.
hopefully i can do wet :D

now the bitter part:
i miss him..
alot..
my days feel empty without him.
i dont cry or weep.
i just feel extremely lonely.
i realised that i depended on way too much. i used to bother him every now and then. call him up randomly just to hear his voice.

(sigh)

its like some sort of addiction.
and i crave his presence.

i went through the whole day feeling empty, lonely and incomplete.
its like.. i forgot to do something important and like i missed a routine.

(sigh AGAIN)

i am a little sad but mostly lonely. things are not the same without him. i just have to get used to it.
i bet he doesn't even think of me as much as i think of him right now.
:)

2 years of having him on my mind all the time. starting and ending my day with him. his voice was my drug.

i made this decision and i am glad i did. i just need to stay strong and face it.

one thing is for sure. Mr. DANIEL SIVABALAN : i will never forget you. :)

idiotic jerk!!

i am soooooooooo pissed off!!! arrgghhhh

i took my time and effort to do you fucking assignment for you and you have the cheek to email it to that BITCH!!!

wow!!!!

you are good for NOTHING!!

it was my hard work and you have no right to pass it to someone else without asking me first!!

i wish you rot in hell for everything that you have done!!!

i will pray hard and make sure you pay the price for everything that you did to me..

progress so far

hellooooooooooooooo

haha.. as you can guess, i am hyper and happy!!
it is working.
i feel better and much more positive about myself.
i enjoyed my day and i am anticipating for whats next.

its all in your head and depends on your perspective.

change it and you will be a different person :)

few motivational quotes

the new me

i read a book that actually made me realize why i have been so unhappy this whole time.

it actually changed my perspective and made me think out of the box. 

with each line that i read, i heard pings in my head and i could relate it to myself.

the book is THE SECRET by  Rhonda Byrne

i am not revealing the content of the book here because i feel you should read it and find out by yourself.

after reading the book.

i started writing down what i want in life 

and i plan to chant everything on this list everyday..

i am gonna wake up reading this list and i am gonna end my day reading this list.

instead of thinking about anything that makes me sad, i will look at this list. 

everyday.

from time to time i will add on the list and i will make sure i achieve it. 

that is my goal. :)

the unhappy me

alright...
i know i have been posting alot of emo stuff here.
promise to change for the better.

as the tittle suggests, i have been very unhappy for the past 2 years.
i actually know why..

i started and ended my day by thinking about you.
it was always about you.
i gave my key of happiness to you.
my biggest mistake ever.

no matter how much you love someone, your happiness should never be in their hands. this is because you will be taken granted for.
it is human nature. we run after something or someone that never chase us, and we ignore the ones chasing us .

therefore, i do not blame you.

thinking about you all the time reminds me of my misery, of my family and how lonely i was.
after few months, it reminds me of your constant betrayal and how you think i am not good enough for you.

i think about this day in and day out.

this was the reason i have been so unhappy for the past 2 years.

and i plan to change this..

how?
that will be in my next post. :)

goals

alright.. time to set new goals and work my way to achieve it.

so here it goes:

1. i want to score 4.00 this sem..

2. i am gonna gain at least 10 kg in 2 months time..

3. gonna perm my hair (waiting for it to grow longer)

4. gonna be more socialistic

carelessness

ok.. i have no idea what is running in my mind today.
i trip in the bathroom and knock my head on the sink. its swollen :'(
when closing the sliding door, my finger got slammed. its swollen and blue black now :'(

i accidentally spill hot water on my leg :(
its burning rite now.

haizz...

lets hope my carelessness dont be the cause of my death

journey of a final year student

say hello to sem 5!!
even the first week is crazy.
choosing supervisor, deciding whether to do wet or dry lab and of course i already received my first assignment and project.

however i am not complaining.
i decided to continue tutoring and keep myself as busy as possible.

ok.. emo time

i miss him.. so damn much,,
he is still my first and last thought everyday.

i always forget to forget u.
get what i mean
(sigh)
i am crapping

i am scared of myself.
i am afraid i might end up doing something stupid
thats the reason i want to be as busy as i can be.

i dont feel like eating but i am forcing myself to eat
and when i have nothing to do..
i have crazy thoughts of ending my life ( keep your opinion to yourself. be in my shoes and u know how i feel )

i am freaking careless nowadays. i almost poked myself in the eye with my umbrella today
(face palm)

i cry myself to sleep.
and i only sleep for less than 5 hours

i am tired. i wish there was an easier way to deal with this.

to all guys out there. before you say those 3 words to any girl. make sure u mean it.

and to all the girls, keep this in mind :

the amount of love you invested in any relationship is the same amount of pain you will take back when its over

thats all for now..

p.s. i miss you :'(

never give up

i was never the sort to give up so easily.
i always fought my way through it all to get what i want.
the more obstacles i face, the more determined i will be to get it.

i guess it was the same with u.
i fought my way through with my family members.
for over 2 years, i want through verbal abuse and even physical abuse for you. just to be with you.
i kept telling myself that it is worth it in the end.
they just don't understand.
i was wrong...

and they were right

you can never fight for someone who isn't fighting for you.
how do you fight for the person that u love when he is hoping that i was like some other girl that he was attracted to.

(overwhelmed with emotions again)

do i keep fighting for you. change who i am so that i fit in your requirements.

it hurts.. oh no.. it kills me a little inside all the time.

how do u let go that one person who fought for so much.
you went against everyone that u love for him.

putting literally your whole life on the line.
risking it all because you trust and believed that it is worth the risk.

after everything that took place.
am i finally giving up?
am i walking away?

knowing that i lose it all..
i mean ALL.

(sigh)

i learn a lot of valuable lessons.
to equip me so that i will not make the same mistake twice.

to your new lady love

you have no idea how blessed you are to have someone like daniel. A man like that is a rare gem. I hope you give him the love and care that he deserves.

things that i have learned about him over 2 years.

he tends to be very cranky in the morning when he wakes up.
oh yea.. do not wake him up earlier that the time he asked. he tends to over sleep.

he is not a breakfast person

he loves bikes!! he is actually crazy about bikes.
he is crazy about gadgets like phone, tabs etc

he hates hanging on the phone. he prefers texts.
do not ever hang up on him. do not put down the phone when he is talking to you!! it will drive him up the wall.

listen to him whenever he is angry and do not judge or give your opinion till he finish talking.

do not give him your attitude or sarcasm.

he is not always punctual. but he will want you to be punctual.

if you have any doubts, ask him straight. do not beat around the bush. it irritates him.


he loves to eat anything that is sweet. his favorite cake : pecan butterscotch

he loves his space and he doesn't like anyone invading his privacy.

by the way : futsal is his 1st wife. haha..

he loves drinking tea. he needs at least a glass of tea everyday no matter what the time (even midnight )

he loves to be taken care of. it makes him very happy to know that you are always there for him.

make him feel like a knight in shining armour. :)

he likes a girl who dress up well but decently. he loves girl with long straight hair. and she must wear a watch. he wants someone that he can go clubbing with, someone who is funny and smart.the more feminine the woman, the better :)

he loves to shop!! hahaha.. he will analyze till the last bit of information when he wants to get something new.

he has mood swings. its because he have a tough life. just be there for him. he might release his stress or anger on you but he will quickly apologies for hurting you.

he is very observant and he analyze everything.
be very honest with him. he has an amazing talent of knowing if you are lying to him.

personalize him. tell him every now and then what you love about him.

he tend to isolate himself when he is upset or angry. he just do not want to release it on anyone.

 he is a die hard fan of liverpool and never ever trash his team.
send him a lovey dovey text every now and then. it makes him smile and he will be hyper.

he is freaking hyper after eating chocolate. very hyper and funny.

his mom and sis means the world to him and they are the nicest human being on earth.

last but not least, he never had a big birthday party. maybe you can do that for him.

i realize despite crying the whole day, i was actually  smiling for 10 minutes while typing this post.

you have no idea how lucky you are that he is with you. there is someone who cries herself to sleep because she doesn't have what you have now.

you deserve better

i was never your type and i knew you were not happy with me. in a way its good that its over, at least there is nothing holding you back right now.
your new lady love is everything you wanted in your other half and everything that i was not
she is beautiful, sexy, out going, smart, sarcastic, she has an attitude, amazing personality and most important of all, you are very much attracted to her.

to be honest, i am having mixed emotion. i do not hate her and neither am i praying that it will not last. i am happy that you are finally with someone who deserves the amazing you. i am sad that i was not the one and i am jealous because she is so blessed to have someone like you (choked with emotion)

i know she is the one for you. she complements you very well and  she is indeed your better half.

its good to know at least you are happy. i do not have the strength to see you happy with someone else. i am not that strong.
whatever that happen between us, the good and bad, i will cherish forever.

thank you for keeping up with me for so long. thank you for being there even when i don't deserve you.

(tears rolling down the cheeks)

i do not hate you. i actually cant.
i sincerely wish the best for you and i do pray that our path will never cross ever again.

its officially over

finally i had the courage to be completely honest with my feelings.
i told him that i cant see our future together and we are not meant for each other.

it breaks my heart when he told me he doesnt love me :'(
it hurts alot!!

i begged him to help me. i told him to ignore all my calls, block me from social networking sites and be as mean as u can be so that i can move on.

i need this. he finally agreed.

today. i have nothing :(

no family and no loved ones. never felt so lonely before.

will be crying the whole day i guess.

in the future i might find someone else. but i can never love him as much as i love you.

first love is always the hardest to forget.

i wish you all the best in your life. i love you but it was just not meant to be :(

bitter truth

i guess it is hard to move on because you cant endure the feeling of being replaced. knowing that he is with someone else. knowing that he is happy without you. it hurts to the core, knowing that all the plans, dreams and hope that u had together with him is not gonna come true. he is making plans with someone else. he is planning his future with another girl.
(pause for awhile, to compose myself)

we made a lot of plans together. wedding, jobs, kids, their name, school and future.

our house, the interior decoration. haizzz..

i had a clear vision of how my future was gonna be like.but  now..

(sigh)

i have to start all over again and this time all by myself.

i have no one to make plans with.
not even my family. every decision and step that i take, i will be doing it alone.

(eyes filled with tears)

i made a decision 2 years down the road that changed my life and i am making another decision rite now that is gonna change my entire life again.

i am not gonna blame anyone neither will i wish him the worst for his future.
i had good and bad memories with him. the good ones i will cherish for ever and i will learn from the bad.

it just kills me a little inside knowing that you are gonna go on with your life and here i am picking up all the pieces and hoping to put them together. i might just be a memory to you (if i am blessed enough) or you might just forget me entirely.

wish i didn't have to make this but i know it is for the best.
its a battle between what is right and what i want. i want you but i cant have you because your role in my life has come to the end.
i decide to start a new chapter.

i know this is the right decision but it is not an easy path to take.
what matters is i have taken the first step.


(tears rolling down the cheeks)

how do you heal a broken heart

well.. i wish there was a specific drug for this.
sad to say none.
we all have to learn to deal with it and trust me.. it is NOT EASY

i am compiling all the advice that my friends and well wishers told me. so here it goes:

focus on yourself!!
this is the time to be a better version of yourself. to improve yourself.
get a new hair do, or go shopping!!

find a support group.
yes!! this is important. you get to share your feelings and these people will help to boost your confidence. they will advice you and most important of all, they will be there to wipe away the tears

keep yourself busy
indulge in something new. maybe a dance class or yoga. do something different. this will help to divert your attention and focus.


it all depends on you. if you want to curl up in one corner of your room and cry for days. your choice.
just remember this, what doesnt kill you make you stronger and why give others the pleasure of seeing you weak?