there is no anesthesia for a broken heart

i am sure at some point we all  got rejected, hurt, dumped or cheated on. in short, we got our hearts broken.

the one that you love not necessarily loves you back but at times there a few blessed souls who do not have to take the complicated path and they find their other half.
Despite knowing the consequences of the game called love, all of us dream and yearn for it.

i have been in a relationship which did give me some good and bad memories. being naive and so young, i believed he was the ONE, he was my happily ever after but right now i am full with doubts.
i realized, men have the habit of not meaning what they say. ( yes, they are not so mature in this department)
I LOVE YOU just becomes a phrase to be close to someone.
many fail to realize the after effects of cheating and lying and how much it hurts your partner. after all there is no anesthesia for a broken heart. the grief, humiliation and fear of being cheated  is not something that can be taken lightly.
i am still learning how to deal with the pain.

but i know,

at the end of the day our life is all about choices, many a hearts trampled for better or worse.
loving is all about letting go and forgiveness. and know that these trying times will only make us stronger as we grow.believe there is light at the end of the tunnel, there is rainbow after the rain and every cloud has a silver lining. with time and lots of grief, you will eventually find the good in goodbye.
A heartbreak is a blessing from God. its just his way of letting us realize he saved us from the wrong one.

yours truly

being 21, i would say i am still getting to know myself in terms of my strength and weakness.
just a brief intro of me, myself and I

*extremely OPTIMISTIC.



* believe in HAPPILY EVER AFTER.



* workaholic



* love to prove PEOPLE WRONG (those who look down on me)



* extremely competitive and i can become jealous sometimes



* do not like to come second ( in short i love to win)



*I know exactly what i want in life( i have my goals, and to do list p.s. i dun call it dreams :P)



*determined and persistent



* never give up (whenever things get difficult, i become more determined to achieve it)



* very stubborn



*  trust too easily



* naive :(



* i do not fall in love easily but when i do, i fall flat on the ground



*helpless romantic



*recluse at times




* have mood swings



*i take time to be close to someone





* i am a vivid dreamer (i dream in colors)




*i forgive but i never forget

* if u hurt me really bad, i tend to be vengeful



*i cry very easily

* to most : i am strong, determined and bossy, i do not like to show my soft spots




that's all for now.. will be back real soon

strangers AGAIN

It’s amazing how at one point in our lives we will be extremely close with someone and then later they will become a complete stranger. You will pass by them without a word. Without a single acknowledging look. This person, who once knew you so well, who once knew your fears, your desires, your dreams, your past, is now walking right past you, seeing right through you.

teamwork

well, all of us at one point of our lives have worked in a group and i am sure you have come across few sleeping partners in the group who does not lift a finger.
teamwork is a myth. it does not exist at all. we have a lot of selfish people around us who feels its ok to let someone else do their part of the work. i have been in this situation numerous time.
in the beginning, i was pissed!!


i used to yell and give these parasite a piece of my mind but all of it fell into deaf ears.


i eventually just gave up. i do it all. its not fair. yes!! do i have a choice?
i just look at the positive side and think this way:
its ok that i do more work, i learn more.
i learn about time management, how to deal with complete assholes, how to get things done under intense pressure, and with each piece of extra work, i learn something new.
in a nut shell, its their loss.


i guess this is just part of growing up. looking at the brighter side of every problem :)

to all those leech out there who else count on someone else to do their work:

good news :)

hello there :)
finally a good news.
skin is getting better. pimple scars less visible and no new breakout.
thank you lord.
i am still procrastinating btw. yet to start on my rp :'(
haizz...
overall : i didnt do anything much today beside sleep, eat, and watch tv.
oh yea.. need to prepare a masker later.
tats all for now :)

silly me

its 12.16 am and i am wide awake. why??
because i am waiting for him to call


haiz.. y am i so optimistic?
i have to learn to let go. i should not depend on him anymore and here i am being so pathetic and desperate. argghhh!!
the battle between the heart and brain goes on.



i should try to get some sleep. be strong sharan. you can do it. don't give up.

what hurts the most :'(

mood : emo
so just bare with me.

i fell in love with the wrong guy and the wrong time. he promised me all the happiness in the world, he promised to protect me, to never cheat or lie to me and to always make me happy.
well, this is why they say never make a promise when you are happy.
he lied and cheated on me not once or twice but SEVEN times.
it kills me!!

i trusted him blindly and i did learned from my mistake.
when the trust is broken, you can never look at the person the same way.
u just never feel the same way anymore.

i saw the texts, chat history, and the pain of betrayal was so bad. i was numb.i am in tears while typing this post.

life is not fair. what did i do wrong? why am i hurt and why does this incident changes me forever while you just get to walk away so easily and move on like nothing happened.

you left a scar that changes who i am.
i do not trust man and i look at them the same way as i look at you.
i will never believe in happily ever after and i will always doubt anyone who claims to love me.

after all the pain, i still care for you!! (slap myself)
moving on is not easy and i am still trying. i just pray that u will feel how i felt for you.

i know i will be ok but it takes time with every crying session of course. i will be stronger. i just need to trust myself.

so all the single ladies,
be happy, i wish i was wiser enough to walk away when i met him

TRUST

This is a random post by the way.

i have learned a lot the past 2 years being in a relationship.
what i have learned is:
1. most guys are never serious about you


2. they lie ALL THE TIME


3. they get bored of you easily


4. they are ALWAYS flirting with someone else


5. they RECYCLE the same pick up lines and all the lovey dovey text that they once used on you




i was so naive. i thought he meant everything that he said. but it was all lies. sad bitter truth that i have to live with.

my day :)

started my day soooo early. went to clinic and as expected it was pack. i waited almost an hour to get my prescription from the doctor. oh btw, the doctor was super sweet and cheerful. totally made my day.

the sad thing is, my skin is getting worst. breakouts and pimple scars. haizz. i got to drink more water to flush out all the toxic and sleep early.
freaking worried.

got to take extra care during the holidays.

tats it. will update later
xoxoxo

to do list during holidays

1. clean my room


2. arrange my notes (previous sem) and seal it


3. start on my research project


just 3 things to do and i have 2 weeks. i can do this!! (self motivation) lets hope i do not procrastinate.

wide awake

i couldn't sleep. was awake at 5.45 am haizz.. was just browsing and staring at facebook homepage. i am praying that i do not doze off while waiting in the clinic. such a boring day. yawnnn
 

agenda for tomorrow :)

its kinda weird waking up as early as 6.30 in the morning during semester break, well.. i have to.. no choice.
need to go clinic tomorrow to get my supplies for inhalers and also need to consult the doctor regarding my skin. (a lot of pimple scars)

gonna charge my phone and play temple run because i know the crowd is gonna be crazy tomorrow. (its monday)





thats all for now. nites :)

hellooooooo :)

Hey everyone!!
well.. decided to create a new blog and i promise to be more dedicated this time :P
How is my life at the moment?
its actually quite crappy


Let me update you about it.
i am currently on my semester break..

just 10 more months and i will bid msu goodbye.
i have my research project to work on and i have done nothing so far beside finding for articles and my literature review.

gonna stop procrastinating and start working on it. (fingers across)
that's all about studies i guess. let me get to the juice part of my life : my love life!!

it sucks BIG TIME
I am soo stupid and naive!! he cheated me 7 times!! and i am still with him ( yes.. i can imagine the look on your face at the moment)


nothing that i can say to justify my actions. But one thing is for sure. i care less nowadays. whether he calls or not doesn't matter.
i live my life. i guess when u get hurt over and over again u should dont care anymore.
There is something that he asked today that really pissed me off.. he told me to pay for his phone bill!! wtf !!your phone bill is freaking high because of your actions( calling all the bitches and talking) and you expect me to pay your bill.. fly kites!! its like someone you love having a one night stand with another man and she ask you to pay the hotel bill.
so yea.. you pay the consequences of your action.


to sum everything up about my love life :
no matter what you do.. you will eventually lose a girl that has sacrifice everything for you,
she stayed by your side even though you lied and cheated on her.

I on the other hand loses a guy who doesn't  know what is LOYALTY. who lies and cheat on me. who doesn't care and treats me like an option.
so.. you tell me.. whose lost is this?
 

all right that's all for now. will be back real soon.
xoxoxo